Start of Something

I've often wondered what made me who I am today - that is to say overweight, single, cowardly, bitchy, generally attention-seeking. I readily admit that at times, I am all of these things. I am also inherently lazy, and I lack any willpower or determination. No matter how much I wish to change who and what I am, I simply can't be arsed, for want of a better expression.


Now this is a pretty frank description of myself, and many people would say I don't need to change and I'm perfect as I am: to these people I'm hugely grateful. But I must face the facts - and I intend to change them. Life is, after all, what we make of it, and we control our own fates. I will always love the people who love and accept me as I am now, but when one can't love oneself, it's time to make a few changes.


Words people often use to describe me include common, loud, manly, blunt. I am all of these, but more often these traits come out in an uncontrolled way - I don't want to seem like this. They are often displayed when I'm nervous or dunk, or put into an awkward situation. After all, when you meet someone new, what better way to put them at ease than "F*** me, I'm common as muck me". It'd help anyone get over an inferiority complex anyway. But as soon as someone has seen my frequent displays of "classiness", this is how they remember me. Even good friends, who have seen other sides of me, are inclined to introduce me to people by bringing up the aforementioned character traits. It's often "This is Amy, you see her drinking wine - count yourself lucky she's not swigging it from the bottle" and the like. I don't mind, because before long I probably will end up doing so, but that doesn't mean I want to come across in that way. But once introduced as such, I sometimes feel the need (because it's usually awkward) to live up to the introduction. You will often find me at parties chugging Lambrini or clutching a can of Strongbow, often stating in that loud, typically Northern way "Wow, I'm such a classy bird!" I can't help it. It just happens.


It is this caricature of myself I wish to avoid from this point on. I will make a change. This blog is going to be the general trials and tribulations of such a change, with some general randomness thrown in.


Song of the day: "Start of Something" - Cast of Britannia High. Cheesy, fun, upbeat and motivational. Kind of the mood I'm trying to get into right now :)

[Side Note: I've been writing these blog posts in my diary for the past couple of days, so this one was actually written on Saturday 24th March.]