Open Windows.

Last week, I had a quarter-life crisis. I feel that I need to share my crisis with the blogosphere, as a venting mechanism. I was just plodding along with my regular day-to-day life (i.e. working at McDonald's and sleeping) and BOOM! I was in a crisis. It didn't half startle me. Read on...
Do I need University? As we all know, it's bloody expensive business, especially these days. When I started my original degree, it was heading to be expensive enough - £3,450 a year on tuition fees, £3,553 a year maintenance loan, £1,500 overdraft limit, £750 credit card limit. Now add on to that the fact that tuition has gone up to £9,000 a year. I already have debts from my first year. I'm just going to be adding to them.

There is also the question of is University really me? I mean, I failed my first year. Quite spectacularly. I failed a double module, barely passed my others, my uni work was always last minute, if it got done at all, I developed insomnia to the extent that I never slept except between the hours of 8.00-15.00 - which was exactly when my lectures were (I know that sounds just like you're average student there though, this legitimately happens to some people - I wouldn't sleep at night, so would then get to about 7am realise I'd only have an hour regardless so might as well stay up, would get ready for the day and then I'd be out like a light until the afternoon). Maybe I'm just not cut out for it? I'm not the most self-motivated person in the world, and that's maybe the reason I didn't do so well last year. I don't know if I can avoid a repeat.

As we all know, I am permanently skint. A lot of people my age are. I work full time, but I live payday to payday, just to pay rent, bills, monthly-credit card bills, phone insurance, rent for past months, travel money to and from work, and food. Going to uni will mean that this is intensified, and I can't guarantee when I graduate I'll go straight into a decent job.  However, not going to University means I could straight into an entry-level job, and climb my way up, or just get a nice job I like doing. I'd start earning straight away, pay off those debts and be money-happy quicker.

I'm not going to lie and say I spend all my money on the "important" - there is still the Spotify money that goes out (I can't live without it :S) and I have a treat a week - whether this is a "special" shop (i.e things I want rather than things I need), a night out, or a cinema trip with friends. Because at the end of the day there are things more important than money.

And that there is the main issue. There are things are more important than money. Yes, I might be happy just going straight into the world of serious work now - I know people who have and are happy and lovin' life. But at the moment, my "dream job" involves going through a decent graduate scheme, or going for jobs that require degrees. To get into it without one would involve a hell of a lot of luck. So, ultimately, it seems Uni is the way forward, for me. /endofrant

Now to the title of the post. The cliche saying about closing doors to open windows. Bad shit happens. As I've said in past posts, bad shit has happened to me. Not majorly bad, but enough that sometimes I feel very sorry for myself, before I kick myself out of it. But sometimes that shit happens for reasons that may not present themselves right away. And sometimes we make it more difficult for ourselves through the choices we make.

Having to drop out of Uni was the worst time of my life. It was awful. But I pulled myself out of it and got on with things. But interesting things have happened: if I hadn't failed, I would have been stuck doing a course I didn't really like; if I hadn't dropped out, I wouldn't have started work full time; if I hadn't moved back to Durham, I wouldn't have started work at the current McDonald's I do work at; and if I hadn't come back to McDonald's, I wouldn't have met some awesome people, and my life would be less shiny and bright. As it is, I'm going to a new University with a fresh start, having had life experience, and made some great friends, and there is even a little something more on the horizon. So in conclusion, thanks for shutting that door, it just means I have to jump headlong out of the open windows :)

Song of the day: Unrelated to the post, but I'm loving Jessie J "Mamma Knows Best" ;)